13 Leadership Principles for Those Passed Over for Being Soft-Spoken and Quiet.

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It happened again. My friend, an introvert, was passed over for an opportunity. He was upset because this was the third time he was excluded from training that promoted the extroverts.  He thought his boss had his back. He trusted that when he said, “next time”, he meant it. Unfortunately, his actions spoke differently.

How many times have you lost a promotion because your supervisor did not view you as someone who is commanding or charismatic? Has your soft-spoken demeanor worked against you?  Have you missed the opportunity to grow and do something different?

This blog is for the introverts who aspire to be in leadership roles or at least given the same opportunities as their louder counterparts.

Here is the big promise: if you take the time to read and understand this article, you will be able to turn your quietness into a superpower, influence people without being obnoxious.  The following thirteen leadership principles are skills that helped me to become an effective leader.  This skill development takes time and effort to shape a person’s character.  I believe these principles will assist you in finding your voice and become the best leader possible.

The leadership principles are broken down into beginner and advanced levels.  The seven beginner principles will help you motivate others, build strong teams and lead. The six advanced principles will define how you interact with everyone around you. This shift will increase your influence and ensure you are seen as someone trustworthy to motivate teams.

Beginner Principles to Master as a New Leader

• Purpose
• Mastery
• Autonomy
• Empathy
• Trust
• Vision
• Decisiveness

Let’s begin with discussing the Purpose Principle.

1.) Purpose Principle

Paul took his job seriously. His friends would say that he was obsessed about his job. When they would go out to the bar, he would continue working. He sacrificed weekends and relationships for his job. At night, Paul would go to his empty apartment, watch videos, and read books on his craft. He was passionate. This seemed to be a family trait. His twin brother, Peter, did the same thing. Peter worked in an entirely different industry, but felt equally alone in his penthouse.  They both sacrificed everything for their jobs.

One morning, everything changed.  A fire had broken out on the thirteenth floor of a 20-story building downtown.  All of Paul’s training as a firefighter would be needed this day. When they arrived at their destination, his heart sank. Maybe this was the day his workaholic brother slept in and was not in the office that was spitting flames out the window.

With the mask on his face and ax in hand, Paul raced up the stairs and along with his fellow fire fighters directly behind him. When they burst onto the thirteenth floor, the intense heat caught them off guard. Running in, the only thing on Paul’s mind was his brother. Within minutes, Paul found five office workers and got them to safety. Still not finding his brother, he kept going back inside the office.  He was still searching for Peter when the floor above collapsed.

Peter though, was already downstairs. He was the first one out taking his private elevator as soon as the alarm sounded. He was safe, but his brother plus three other office workers died that day.

What is the difference between a fire fighter making $35,000 a year running into a burning building and a CEO making $35 million a year running out of one?

Purpose.

When motivating people, the most important principle is purpose. In Daniel Pink’s book, Drive, https://tinyurl.com/s8yuuddc, he explained that people will do extraordinary things for intrinsic motivators, like purpose, versus extrinsic motivators, like money.  A firefighter’s purpose is to save the lives of others. This purpose cannot be bought. It can only be inspired from within a person. Once you understand your deeper purpose, you will be able to inspire others to find theirs. Another relevant book is Start with Why by Simon Sinek. https://tinyurl.com/yckym5ft . He does a great job in further developing this concept.

Key Takeaway:  Purpose gives us power to do the impossible and inspires us to try. Ideas that are bigger than our excuses excites us to do more and desire to make a difference.

2.) Mastery Principle

Michael knew it would be difficult to learn a new job. He was used to working with his hands, but since the construction accident, that was no longer possible. He never worked in the office before and had very little knowledge about the bookkeeping part of his father’s construction business. The first day only enhanced his fears.  Alice, the office manager, started his training in the morning and he felt completely lost by lunch. Sensing Michael’s trepidation, Alice took her lunch hour to try something different.

When Michael returned, she handed him a single page and highlighted the first transaction. She then pointed to the whiteboard in the room where she had drawn a line and series of hash marks dividing it up into about 30 segments. She asked Michael to read the first transaction and tell her if the money was coming in or out of the business. Michael was surprised by the easy question and immediately replied with the correct answer. Alice then put a check mark through the first line.  He smiled.

As the training progressed, it would get incrementally more difficult, but Michael knew how much progress he had made. For every milestone hit, Alice would put a check mark on a line to show completion. As Michael’s excitement grew knowing he was understanding it, he started studying on his free time. Within a few weeks, he had completed Alice’s training and felt completely confident in his new job. He learned how to use his mind as effectively as his hands. More importantly, with Alice’s help, he had mastered a new skill.

IThe concept of mastery is further enhanced by Robert Greene and his book, Mastery. https://tinyurl.com/ycktbfs6  The mastery principle means that you are constantly seeking knowledge and skills in an effort to become a better version of yourself. A great example of the motivational power of mastery is the Progress Bar. Having visual feedback of your progress is essential to understanding how close you are in reaching your goals. Without it, you feel lost.

Key Takeaway: Outline a personal development plan with all the training in sequential order.  In return, your team members will work hard towards those goals and gain a strong sense of accomplishment.

3.) Autonomy Principle

Aubrey had always been an explorer.  She liked to find new places in her local area or travel to different cities.  Aubrey was the same way at work. She looked for new ways to do old things including revamping the entire process to make it more efficient.  Her first years at the firm, she was given the freedom to explore the different ways to get tasks done. She felt empowered and it was her dream job.

Then, her new boss arrived, and her dream job became a nightmare. Mr. Murphy was not a litigation trial lawyer like the other lawyers in the firm.  He came from business law, specializing in contracts.

The first day Aubrey met Mr. Murphy, he wanted to go through every court case she was working on in painstaking detail. He constantly asked why she was doing something a certain way. All his questions were driving her crazy. By the end of the first day, she was second guessing herself.  The next day was even worse. Mr. Murphy told her that she had to go through him for everything and he had to sign off on documents before they left the office. She felt disempowered and longed for the days when she could work independently.

Within three months, Aubrey quit the firm. If Mr. Murphy had given her a little autonomy, she would have stayed and made it work. But his micromanaging made her feel like a soulless robot.

The autonomy principle is the last one from “Drive” that you should really understand. People want the freedom to choose their own way, and don’t want to feel forced to do something, even if it is something they should clearly do for their own self benefit. A great analogy is equating choices to the size of a map. Having more choices is like having a bigger map to explore. People want the freedom to explore the edges of the map, but they need to know that the map has edges. Each person will have a different comfort level with the size of the map you can provide (or the number of choices to make). The less confident a person is, the smaller map they will need to feel in control. Give them a map so big they can’t see the edges and they will typically freeze.

Key Takeaway: Whenever possible, provide choices in which tasks they do, who they do it with, how they get it done, and when they can do it. The more freedom you can give within the parameters of the job requirements, the more empowered your team members will feel.

4.) Empathy Principle

Even though it had been two months, Elizabeth was not ready to talk about what happened. She had lost interest in hanging out with her friends and there was a decrease in her job performance. Before the incident, Elizabeth was a happy person, always smiling and giving gifts of appreciation.  Not anymore. When asked if she was ok, she lied and said she was fine.  She did not want to burden others with her troubles.  In reality, she was hurting.

It was a cold morning when Jacky blazed into Elizabeth’s life. It was Jacky’s first day in the office and met everyone, except for Elizabeth.  She did not have the energy to leave her office. It was not long until Jacky found her and was struck by her sadness. Instead of being the outgoing socialite, Jacky quietly sat down and just waited. The seconds of silence felt like hours to Elizabeth and all the feelings she had been pushing down sprang up like a geyser.

As she cried, Jacky just listened without judgement.  Elizabeth told her the story about what happened to her two months ago and how she had been hurting ever since.

After a few minutes, Elizabeth apologized for her emotional outburst.  Jacky said not to worry and asked if she was ready to go to lunch. Jacky’s empathy had created the space Elizabeth needed to feel safe. Soon after, they were put on the same team and they had the best production metrics in the division.

Empathy is the glue that keeps teams together. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.   You cannot see or measure empathy, but remove it, and the team disintegrates.  As a leader, your job is not to have the answers to every problem.  Rather, your role is to provide an environment where your team members feel safe and have resources to solve problems.  In return, ideas will flourish, and their self-esteem will grow.

Key Takeaway: When someone comes to you to discuss a sensitive issue, take them to a more private area.  Listen to them without interruption.  There is no need to sympathize and tell your story. Just listen.  Often, the employee can come up with their own solution.

5.) Trust Principle

Empathy is the glue that holds the team together.  Therefore, trust is the defining boundary between team members and non-team members. Boundaries are important in establishing team culture and responsibilities. According to Simon Sinek’s book, Leaders Eat Last, https://tinyurl.com/2p8b6vrf the most important responsibility a leader has is to protect the tribe. When a leader defines the team’s boundaries and takes actions to protect the team members, trust is established. Trust can easily be taken away if the leader does not provide the psychological and physical safety that is needed.  Trust is further developed when everyone feels included and opinions are not disregarded.

Key Takeaway: The fastest way to show you protect the team is to take the hit for a team member’s mistake but give him or her all the praise for things done right.

6.) Vision Principle

It is up to the leader to clearly communicate where the team is going.  By establishing a well-defined vision, this empowers everyone to make the right decisions to accomplish the team goals without the need for constant top-down direction. This allows the most soft-spoken leader to have exponential influence. A great description empowers the team to take the necessary actions to achieve and even surpass established goals.

Key Takeaway: Make sure you have a clear vision for what success looks like for your team.  If they can see their part, your team will do everything they can to accomplish it.

7.) Decisiveness Principle

Fearing to make a decision because you do not want to fail, look bad, or do not know what to do, will kill a team’s momentum. A true leader will establish a culture of reasonable flexibility.   This flexibility gives a leader and team members permission to make a decision now and adjust later if needed.  The faster a supervisor can make decisions, the more faith their people will have in their leader.

Key Takeaway: When the “good idea, cut-off line” has been crossed, it is time to execute the best decision you can make in the moment and make adjustments later.

Advanced Principles to Master as an Experienced Leader

• Tactical Empathy
• Systems Thinking
• Deep Observation
• Risk Acceptance
• Perfect Trust
• Context Connecting

Let’s begin with discussing the Tactical Empathy Principle.

8.) Tactical Empathy Principle

Empathy is the glue of a team. The advanced version of this principle is being able to be empathic in very specific, tactical situations even when you feel uncomfortable and ill-equipped.  With tactical empathy, you remove yourself from the moment and make space for the other person. You allow that person to express themselves.  You do not offer advice, but simply acknowledge how they feel and accept it. When done correctly, it creates a sense of safety and paves the road for future mentorship or coaching sessions.

Key Takeaway: When you can hold space for someone you disagree with, you have mastered this principle.

9.) Systems Thinking Principle

Henry Ford once said, “Thinking is the hardest thing that’s done in the world, and the most commonly shirked.” It is rare to get well thought-out plans. You can change things with the systems thinking principle. Systems thinking is seeing the world as nouns and how those nouns are linked by relationships.

Ask questions like:

• What is the relationship between two people?
• What is the relationship between a person and an idea?
• What is the relationship between two or more ideas?

These answers create a map of how things are interdependent.  This is why most cookie-cutter solutions eventually fail.  They do not take into consideration the nuances of how things are connected. By seeing the world through this connected map, you can focus on the right relationship at the right time to influence the system towards the objective.

Key Takeaway: If you want to influence how someone responds to an idea, you need to understand the relationship the person has about that idea.

10.) Deep Observation Principle

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” – from Ferris Beuller’s Day Off (1986)

If you never noticed someone’s behavior before, would you be able to spot the changes in their character now?  Could you detect that they were hurting?  Most people have canned responses to greetings, even when they are uncomfortable.  When you ask someone to accomplish a task, did you notice their expression of despair?  Were they not properly trained in this task and yet, did not say anything?  This is why it is important to be a fully engaged leader. When you notice the small things about your team members, you can have a big impact on their well-being and job performance.

Key Takeaway: Focus on being mindful so you can notice the smaller details of your team members that can be easily overlooked.

11.) Accepting Risk Principle

Accepting risk is the idea that if empowered, other people can get the same or better results. Micromanagers want to be involved in every detail of a project because they are unable to give up control.  This can be especially difficult for a new supervisor.  As a technician, they were expected to do everything.  However, as a new leader they must delegate and be responsible for their teams’ projects.  When supervisors stop micromanaging and start to delegate responsibilities, the team dynamics will change.  The team will reach goals that can only be accomplished through joint efforts and not as individuals.

Key Takeaway: The more comfortable you are in risk, the more direct influence you will have on people and events.

12.) Perfect Trust Principle

With this advanced principle, you begin completely trusting your co-workers. This means you are vulnerable, and this goes against millions of years of survival instincts.  When you trust first, you are seen by others as someone who can be trusted. This will also set you apart in other people’s minds because of how rare such conviction is given. The real benefit to complete trust is that it speeds up everything you are trying to accomplish. In Steven Covey’s book The Speed of Trust, https://tinyurl.com/3pnuz7wa  he tells a short story of how Warren Buffet closes deals faster than anyone else. He does it with a handshake and leaves it to the teams to work out the details. But in his mind, the deal is done.  The other person is expected to live up to the expectations set forth in the deal.

Key Takeaway: Of all the principles, this is probably the most difficult one to use. You have to be okay with being hurt and disappointed. However, with such risk comes even greater opportunities.

13.) Context Connecting Principle

There is a huge difference between communicating and connecting with people.  John Maxwell’s book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect https://tinyurl.com/2t8hwzk8   examines this difference.  Context matters when connecting with people.  You bond with people differently at church than at the workplace. The context of the moment needs to be considered.  It may be in everyone’s best interest to change venues to modify the context of a conversation. This is especially useful during difficult conversations and the environment is a contributor. By changing the location, a person may become more comfortable, talk freely and therefore, be open to new ideas. 

Key Takeaway: If you want to have a particular conversation, then set up the context first. The proper location will allow people to have a productive conversation.

In summary, the beginner principles are Purpose, Mastery, Autonomy, Empathy, Trust, Vision and Decisiveness. The advanced principles are Tactical Empathy, Systems Thinking, Deep Observation, Risk Acceptance, Perfect Trust, and Context Connecting.

These principals are your introduction in finding your leadership voice.  Please study these thirteen leadership principles and think of situations when you would use them.

When I first became a supervisor, my performance was less than stellar. Even though I was trying to be a good boss, I did not know what I was doing.  I became “that guy” to my first troop and was the model of what not to do as a leader. My intention did not matter.  The only thing my superior saw were my actions.

It was not until fifteen years into my military service that I was blessed with my first real mentor. Under his guidance, I realized that I was not living up to my potential.  Something was missing.  I was trying so hard to be a good leader that I was not focused on simply caring for my people the way I care about my family. Once I did that, everything fell into place.  Finally, I was able to codify my thoughts on leadership.

These thirteen leadership principles work when you genuinely care about your people. Once you master these principles, you can influence anyone in your life without becoming overbearing. Because you care, your supervisor will notice how effective your team is and begin to provide you the opportunities and leadership roles you are seeking.

Future posts will go into depth on each of these leadership principles. If you would like to be notified when they are published and receive a free download PDF copy of this blog post, email info@keybravo.com to subscribe to the best leadership newsletter in the world. ☺