Here is the unsettling truth about our low self-esteem.
Much of the way we see ourselves today is a result of how others saw us when we were younger. How they made us feel became the unconscious traumas that we are fighting in our adulthood.
Luckily there is a cure. A very simple, yet painful, exercise that we can do every day to solve the problem and live the life without limitations. But before we get into that, I have a short story to share.
When I was younger, I was bullied a lot. And the solution that most parents provide their bullied kids was martial arts. I guess the thinking was that at the very least I’ll be able to defend myself when they were not around and maybe at most I’ll develop the confidence to avoid fighting all together.
The truth was that they were right on both accounts. In high school I only got into one altercation with another student and despite the pressure the fight from the circle of kids around us, we didn’t. I could see that the “bully” was shaking and was actually afraid. That ended up the last time that I was ever in a violent situation like that.
I became someone different than the kid who only a few years earlier who was bullied every day. The martial art training did give me some more skills, but what really changed was the perception of who I thought I was. I no longer saw myself as someone who was bullied.
So here is the secret of living a life without limitations:
Become the person you want to be the same way an actor becomes a character on stage. Do it enough, and it will be difficult to know where the illusion begins and ends. The real truth of the matter is that our identity is an illusion that we’ve accepted as the person we are. But this can change anytime we want to.
This is where all the pain and discomfort come in. We like our identity even if it doesn’t serve us. We believe that our identity is who we are and are loathed to shed it for something better. It is discomforting for us and for those who know us. Suddenly we are acting differently and become unrecognizable.
But this is the point.
If you don’t like the life you are living then the first thing you can do is change who is living it. That will lead to knew and different behaviors that begin to reshape opportunity. And soon, you will be living the life of the new person you chose to be. The inner and outer world always need to match.
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